billyhank (billyhank) wrote,


Yeah, feeling like a dope tonight. I'm just watching MAGNOLIA w/Buttons and we're hashing out what the fuck the rain of frogs is supposed to mean when my pal D calls in and so I ask him what he thinks about the whole thing, and he whips out a perfectly reasoned and reasonable answer in the space of about two breaths. And he makes enough sense for me to feel like an utter and complete dumbass, which is something that D seems to do on a pretty regular basis. As do most of my pals.

That's the problem, I think. I can't stand to do time with people I don't respect, so I end up with a crew of folks I feel inferior to, intellectually or otherwise. The eternal kid brother, trying to hang with the big kids. And so I keep thinking that I'm supposed to catch up at some point, but the gap seems pretty constant. And now I'm wondering if it's just me, or if that's everyone and if I'm, as usual, trying to make myself into something extraordinary by way of my mediocrity.

And while I'm whining about this, an email from my cousin just came in. He's in Indonesia working with kids who've lost every damned thing they've ever had in the Tsunami, trying to help them come to grips with it, put their heads back on. And he's doing this while his wife is pregnant with twins back in NYC.

Ever feel crass?
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